Christmas Spirit

Christmas continues to have spiritual significance, even if Jesus was born in July! I personally feel chastised by the season when my Scroogelike tendencies emerge, it keeps me on my toes and that is good! A lot of guilt, perhaps I can blame it on the catholic church, but then again I need to own up to my own guilt trips. It's not that I am not onto it when say my mother exquisitely delivers a guilt trip and it takes me several days to realize what I have digested!

An early philosopher (Anaximander) wrote that human beings are profoundly guilty---it is as if time itself were jealous of the fact that man slipped himself or herself into existence even albeit for a paltry 70 years.

I am involved in a massive struggle even now to become myself. Or perhaps to 'let it be' and realize that I cannot not be myself, just as nature must unfold in a beautiful harmony.

Scattered thoughts...Ah, but more accurately reflecting my state of mind. 2007 a challenging year, there are no quick fixes and it seems harder to get a 'free pass' for anything.

I am grateful for simply being allowed to play in the game! To get a 'glimpse' of it all. Of all things beauty fascinates me most. I see great beauty in rabbits (and in E.C.). In all of this lifetime I am grateful for having been able to perceive this but even more to drink richly such sensual poetry over the past years of my life, but especially since early September.

I was once warned by a wise man (George Dolnikowski) not to be consumed by the fire. He was referring to the moth and the flame in Pushkin's tragic life. To be consumed by one's art, and especially one's poetry. However, I dismissed the admonition in wreckless pride---of course I wanted to be consumed.

And now, I stand like a fallen tattered, smoking heap of quandary.

Wake of the Flood

For beauty in music, in my book, Stella Blue takes the cake. The lyric is romantic perfection:

All the years combine,
they melt into a dream,
A broken angel sings from a guitar.
In the end theres just a song comes cryin up the night
Thru all the broken dreams and vanished years.
Stella blue.
Stella blue.

When all the cards are down, there's nothing left to see,
Theres just the pavement left and broken dreams.
In the end there's still that song comes cryin' like the wind.
Down every lonely street that's ever been.
Stella blue. Stella blue..

I've stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel,
can't win for trying.
Dust off those rusty strings just one more time,
Gonna make them shine, shine.

It all rolls into one and nothing comes for free,
There's nothing you can hold for very long.
And when you hear that song come crying like the wind,
It seems like all this life was just a dream.
Stella blue. Stella blue.